studio rants

Lately I have truly felt like a tortured artist. I go to my studio all pumped and ready and I just KNOW I’m going to crank. Then I get there and I start, nothing much happens. My oil paintings stare at me, annoyingly. I hate them, they’re stupid. My top 3 paintings aren’t nearly as great as I thought they were. In fact, now I only have top 2, but secretly I only think one will make it. I really want to submit my work for this important show juried by a top curator. I have to finish at least 3 paintings in the next week to do this! It’s become impossible to for me to finish a painting in the past 6 months. I start them and start them and start them. I like them, then I hit a bump so I start a new one to keep my momentum going, then I go back to the one with the bump and I push it, I get it back. Then the new one I liked so much suddenly becomes the black sheep. I dislike it so much I can’t get it out of my mind, then suddenly it all comes together. It surprises me and then my favorites aren’t my favorites any more. I’m inching along and I feel I haven’t soared in awhile. My process as of late feels like such a slow struggle. I hope, hope, hope this is normal and I’m not finished! Maybe I should have never transitioned into this new territory! Who says growth is good? Does anyone else feel the same way?